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| Final curtain |
During the summer, I participated in my 10th Fairytale Opera as one of the Three Little Pigs singing some Mozart and fending off our Big bad Wolfgang.
At Christmastime, I got to be in a production of It’s a Wonderful Life: Radio Show with the Good Night Theatre Collective, playing one of 6 actors who did a radio show version of the movie. I played the role of the Stage Manager, Foley Operator (sound effects), pianist/organist doing the bulk of the underscoring, and some of the voices of the different characters. It was such fun! Plus, we got to dress in 1940s style, which is right up my alley!
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| WBFR in New York City |
I’ve been maintaining my treatment regimen of a chemo infusion of Tamoxifen & Perjeta once every 3 weeks, and aside from never having a solid bowel movement, it all seemed to be going fine.
For a while anyway.
This Cleopatra regimen was supposed to last for decades, but at my 1 year check-up in January, the PET scan showed a small uptick in cancerous activity in that same lymph node area in my right armpit, where I discovered the lump in Oct. 2018.
So, time for Plan B. They took me off the Herceptin/ Perjeta combo and switched me to one called Kadcylla. Pronunciations of this drug vary, but my favorite is Kad-zilla. Which makes me think of a laser cat, attacking the city.
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| Rawr! |
Here’s how I understand this drug to work. I’m probably not 100% accurate here, considering I’m a musician with a very big imagination.... but “Catzilla” functions as a Trojan Horse. It is a derivative of Herceptin, in that it targets cells in the body that have the HER-2 receptor on them, but it goes a step farther, in that it hides some powerful chemo and injects it directly into the cancer cells, decimating them from the inside.
Those who have been on Herceptin and transition to “Catzilla” (just go with me, I like this name) typically have few side effects, but these are the things I was to watch for: nausea, fatigue, hair thinning.
No, no, no! My hair is coming back curly and it’s so cute!
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| ...and a little unruly, but that’s part of the charm of curly hair, right? |
Well, nausea for sure happened. I had my first infusion on a Friday, and didn’t feel much like eating for most of the weekend, and noticed that taking my regular handful of supplements left me feeling queasy for a few days. I had the noble “First” of barfing at work on Tuesday that week. I made it to the bathroom on time (barely), was sure to use the stall that is the least favored, and did not ruin my outfit or my cute shoes. So could’ve been worse.
Fatigue is always a tricky one for me. I have more energy than your average Joe, so sometimes I don’t notice fatigue until I don’t have it any more. I was lazy over the weekend, but that is not uncommon.
So far, my hair is still great. Small victories.
A friend who has been on this drug for a while says the side effects definitely build up over time, so we will see how long it takes for me to notice the hair thing. I guess I have great wigs...
I have my second infusion this Friday, and will be in touch with my doctor about adding some anti-nausea medications to my protocol.
So how is all of this hitting me emotionally?
Thanks for asking. It’s not great. This news was harder for me than I expected. I didn’t break down & cry in the doctor’s office like I did for Diagnosis 2.0, or in the elevator like I did with Diagnosis 1.0, but you notice it took a full 3 weeks to report the news to the world. I think it is starting to sink in that this isn’t going to be as “easy” as it was the first time. I am starting to feel like I’m living in constant vigilance for the next attack.
I guess this is where I start enjoying every day as the gift that it is, no longer putting off that long- dreamed trip to Paris (booked! July 2020!) and not being too proud to ask for prayers. Obviously, this is bigger than anything I can handle on my own, so when you think of it, offer up a prayer for longevity. I have so many things I want to do in this life! Growing old with Matt is at the top of that list.
Scripture that is speaking to me right now:
2 Corinthians 4:10-18 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
